What do you do
when you are alone at home? What do you
do when you live by yourself and have to face an empty house every night?
I always think
being alone and lonely is two different feelings. I remember when I was young, a good friend of
mine told me she was not alone but she was lonely. In looking back, I think it was only a sort
of teenager blue. We did not really know
what loneliness was about back then.
However, as I
grew elder, I figured loneliness is a feeling that no one cares about us, no one
extends a helping hand to us when we feel vulnerable or need advice. Hence, I always offer my listening ears when
my friends want to pour their feelings, or lend them my shoulders when they
want to lend on and cry. I have also
learned to be strong and the art of “follow the flow”. I know the importance of accepting ourselves
and content with ourselves.
Few months ago, I
started an assignment for a client who she has many different businesses. She is very rich and spends a lot of money on
making herself pretty and happy, she even pays some of her consultants unreasonably
more than what they are entitled to so as to make them like her and will not
leave her. She always talks on phone no
matter she is in office, at home or insider a car, she just cannot let herself
quiet down or be alone. She is very hard
working and busy, may be, but to my eyes, she is just lonely.
Yes, loneliness
consumes our souls but I do not buy the idea of consuming our minds and monies
to buying people to accompany us. If it
can ever bring a moment of comfort, it will not be long term. I think what one should do to combat loneliness
is to fill our hearts with peace, notwithstanding if we are alone or not.
I did have the experience of not being alone, but was very lonely.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, being alone and being lonely are indeed two different things. As I age, right now, I do enjoy the time and days of being alone once in a while. Of course, I know that when I grow older, I certainly don't want to be alone. I have taken next week off for my "annual retreat", that's a 100% me time, not going anywhere or doing anything in particular, just relaxing, resting. That's the time that I enjoy very much alone, and I know I certainly won't feel lonely.
Indeed, being alone and feeling lonely are two different things I am that sort of can-be-by-myself person. I can stay at home watching TV, heaing or simply doing nothing. In fact, I hate social activities for business, that is why I can never be successful....
DeleteGood that you can have your annual retreat again, I think in the retreat time, we can allow our emotions to settle and it is certainly good for both body and soul. I hope during your "me time", you can completely relax!
Your first paragraph seemed to be asking me....haha
ReplyDeleteI am living all by myself and facing 4 empty walls every night. I think you, perhaps, have got known of what I do and how I feel at home.
I was not used to this living style in the beginning. As time went by, I understood that it was a must to live like this from that time on. I created more interests that I couldn't fulfil or have time to fulfil in the past and that's it.
From reading your blog, I know that you live alone and I know it can be scary during typhoon days etc. yet I do appreciate that you can find a lot of activities to occupy yourself. I can say you are hard-working in making yourself "busy". That is good.
DeleteYes, for many things, if we cannot change the situation, we should change our thoughts. Life can be easier if we think things this way. Have a nice week ahead.
Lonliness and being alone are definitely different states of a person and I agree with your definition. Being alone is part of my nature and I enjoy it, although many people would say I am a strange and asocial person. That doesn't mean I enjoy loneliness which I am actually fear of. Learning how not to be lonely when we are alone may be the first lesson to be contented. Thanks for your sharing.
ReplyDeleteYes, be self-contented is a fundamental block in all stages of life but usually people are somehow aggressive and even greedy when they are young, hence, disappointment comes often. As I have reached my stage of life when I am no longer ambitious in career, I am self-contented and always count the blessings. I feel much happier than before.
DeleteWell, from reading your blog, I do not feel that you are a strange person, instead I think you are a hearty person and also sentimental. If being asocial is you like, then why not? mingling with a group of people we don't like can make us feel even more lonely.
I think we first have to differentiate between "loneliness" and "solitude". Both are states of the mind regardless of whether one is alone or in a multitude of people.
ReplyDeleteLONELINESS is a painful, negative state. It is where we feel alone, and cut off and estranged from other people. Thus, we may feel as if we are excluded, unwanted, unimportant or unnoticed. We can be surrounded by people we know and love and still experience feelings of intense loneliness. Loneliness feels like punishment or rejection. It is rooted in a sense of deficiency or inadequacy. It is something that depletes us, and is imposed on us. Loneliness can lead to self rejection, and even to self loathing and despair.
SOLITUDE on the other hand is a positive state. It is where we are perfectly happy to be by ourselves, and relish and enjoy our own company. Solitude can help us get in touch with, or engage with, our true self. It allows us to reflect on ourselves, others, our life, and our future. Often, solitude is a springboard to greater self-awareness, greater creativity, fresh insights, and new growth. Solitude is something we choose. It is something that restores and builds us up. Solitude grounds us in who we are – and that enables us to reach out and give to others.
Wow, Peter, thank you very much for sharing your points of view with us regarding loneliness and solitude.
DeleteWhile you make a detailed comparison between the two states of minds and feelings. I would also like to add that "loneliness" sometimes can be caused by being "un-read", what I mean is one's feelings cannot be understood/recognized by others. No matter what, I believe in "simplicity is beauty", hence, if we can make our life simple, we should enjoy a more peaceful and happy life.
By the way, I tried to leave a message in your blog for three times but it was "unaccepted" saying there is a problem, blah blah blah. Sigh, I do not know what the problem is, I am afraid this blogspot.com thing is really un-user friendly. Thanks a lot for sharing your good articles with us anyway.
Peter, did you see the message I left in your blog as below??
DeleteFrom the list of authors you like, I can tell you are an artistic person. No wonder you can write well in both Chinese and English. The authors in this generation treat book publishing as a mean to make money, no heart at all, too bad! Anyway, of the authors you mentioned above, I like 徐志摩 the best. I finished reading his books when I was in P.6 .... :P
Dear Cest la vie.
DeleteI am really not that knowledgeable in the area of blogs not to mention the cyber world. I remember I set my blog as "open to all visitors" the day when I established my new blog site, never realizing that it still leaves the door unopened to some of my visitors.
Could you tell me the exact wordings you saw. Is it in Chinese or in English? I think I need to fix that up before my friends forsake me forever. I refuse to call this "cest la vie".
Thanks for bringing this up.
Have a nice day.
Dear Peter, Once again, I tried to leave a message to your latest blog and your blog do not accept it saying "儲存你的留言時發生問題，請再試一次。". I tried for three times too.
DeleteOn the top left hand side of my blog, you may see that Gravel Yau and Crystal are the members of my followers and I can read and left message on their blogs easily. Anyway, please join as members like they do, see if I can leave messages to you.
By the way, if all your other blog pals leave messages to you via Google+? Do you accept message from other bloggers if they do not join Google+??
No, I did not see your message " From the list of authors you like... when I was in P.6 ...."
ReplyDeleteI have checked with one of my blog friends about your problem in leaving message. Here's the reply:「查看過Blogspot的整體留言功能與及個別每篇文章的留言設定，應該沒問題的啊。會不會是那些網友用的browser(瀏覽器)是舊版，例如用I.E.舊版，所以不能留言？我發現舊I.E.留言有問題。」
I have experienced the same problem. For instance, I cannot play videos with I.E. mode (Internet Explorer). But there is no problem with Firefox. Do you have Flash Players?
Well, as I can leave messages to Gravel Yau but not you. I think there is nothing to do with the browser. I think it must be something to do with the Google+ thing. I hope I can fix it soon as your blog is interesting and inspiring.
DeleteAnyway, please try to be the follower of my blog to see if the problem can be solved. Thanks a lot.... and to respond to your latest blog, of all facial expression, I like the smiling face most. So, keep smiling and have a nice weekend.
Dear Peter, I just left a message to a new blogger's blog and it was successful. So, I think it is your Google+ setting problem as it seems to me that you only allow others to leave you message via Google+.
Deletejust drop by and saying hello to u, im Sutera ;) wish u r doing well lately!
ReplyDeleteHi, it is great to see you here. I am fine, likewise, I wish you are doing well in all aspects.
Deletei dont afraid of getting alone, but the feeling of lonely is scary...
ReplyDeleteI think the best way to combat loneliness is to be "self-contented" and of course stay in close touch with our family and friends.
DeleteI would rather alone than loneliness...
ReplyDeleteYes, if we are contented with ourselves, we can feel happy even though we are alone. Have a nice weekend. :)
DeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteStill combating loneliness?
Thank you for asking..... In fact, I was out of town lately. Just updated my new post...
Delete